“They let me top the first sex scene I did just to ease me into it. “I thought about it a bit, experimented at home and was like, well that ain’t too bad, I can do that and come back with a pocketful of money, that’d be great. But soon enough, the chance to make even more money became too enticing. Pretty much just like jerking off at home is what it turned out to be.”Ĭurtis was emphatic that he would not do a sex scene. when you have three or four people with cameras, it’s pretty nerve-racking. I’d never been naked in front of anybody other than me and a girlfriend. “It was just, come back here, here’s the studio, get naked. “They made it real comfortable,” he says. It’s not worth it.THE offer came through Curtis’ MySpace account: masturbate on camera for a gay porn film, and earn some quick and easy cash.Ĭurtis was straight, but as a struggling new graduate in fast-paced San Diego, it was a tempting idea. Take your time, figure it out, and don’t cave. Part of me, though, wonders if the sexual attraction is crucial to your feeling so close to him. You seem to want to hang on to this guy, and if your reasons for doing so are as numerous and nonsexual as you present, a plan will be helpful. Doing it after will allow you both to have some time to strategize the best steps for moving forward with your platonic friendship. I don’t advise doing this before or at the party, because if he in reply signals that he’s amenable to the idea of sleeping together, it could further erode your rather admirable but clearly brittle boundaries. Explaining to him your primal attraction that you could nonetheless never ethically act on is the kindest, most potentially flattering way to let him know why you need space. If you feel bad about this or happen to notice him noticing, you could write him an email later, when your libido calms down from its Tasmanian devil spin. I don’t think you should avoid him entirely-that would be rude-but you should also spend as little time with him as possible. Don’t stay for any longer than necessary. To honor the priorities that you have mapped out, the most humane thing to do at this party that you simply must attend is to be cordial to your friend while maintaining a distance. Props to you for your consideration and desire to handle this ethically. At other times, I don’t seem to have a problem keeping any attraction under control. It’s like the horniness was a fire hose I had to constantly keep trained elsewhere, and it was exhausting, if not impossible.
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The last time I saw him during Hornygeddon, I basically had to excuse myself and flee for fear of doing or saying something that would make him uncomfortable, and then I fantasized about him for days afterward.
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He’s currently in a happy relationship that’s most likely monogamous, and in any case, I wouldn’t want anything to happen between us for reasons of awkwardness, prioritizing our friendship (which I value above sex), etc. We don’t have a flirty rapport or anything like that, just a mostly staid and mutually respectful friendship. I have a longtime close male friend whom I guess I’ve always been attracted to, with perhaps occasional flickers of mutual sexual tension, but nothing’s ever happened between us-I met him back when my relationship was closed, then he was in a long-term relationship, yadda yadda. You have to pick a lane: Send pics and show affection with clear caveats, or find peace with the complicated dynamics you’re helping foster. That means the only way to make it clear that you aren’t interested, that you’re just having some digital fun or whatever it is you’re doing (what are you actually doing?), is to say so explicitly. There’s nothing wrong with sharing nudes (provided the recipient’s consent), but you should understand that along with your muff shots, you’re sending a message of potential sexual interest and/or availability. I’d be a hypocrite if I advised you not to express your sexuality. It doesn’t sound like you are trying at all. I don’t mean to interrupt your merry, nearly nude traipse through life, but a good way to set boundaries is to actually set them. But I also don’t want him to try to come on to me, because rejecting him in that scenario would also be awkward. How can I keep clear boundaries without hurting his feelings? Flat-out telling him I’m not attracted to him seems like it will kill the vibe.